Famous last words
by Natz5
Summary: just a little fun story about Lorne and Sheppard and what they get up to. Not slash : I've just added a little author's note inside


**A/N: Ok I forgot to write this in before but YAY! here it is now... WOOT... cough cough...**

**Anyway enjoy the story, this is my first Stargate: Atlantis fic so if you review... please be nice! :) Oh and reviewing would be very nice too :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lorne or Sheppard or Stargate: Atlantis... BUT if I did, I wouldn't have stopped after five seasons :D**

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Sheppard was waiting for them when they walked into the gate room, a huge grin plastered on his face. It looked like he had only just got back through the gate. Lorne saw Teyla and Ronon helping McKay carry some equipment out of the room. Lorne knew it couldn't be good for him to see his CO smiling away like that. He signalled for the rest of his team to carry on while he went to talk to him. He hadn't seen him in a couple of days, as Sheppard and the rest of his team had been off on another world meeting with a group of villagers. That's when Lorne knew. _No, he couldn't have,_ he thought; dread starting to creep up on him.

It was a bet they had started little over two months ago. Everyone, and Lorne meant everyone; Scientists, military personal, doctors etc. had been complaining about how they hadn't met any friendly planets, who didn't want to kill them for some reason or another. Be it Wraith, religious issues or just they were grumpy little blue… things that had a thing for shooting people with arrows. That fun little adventure had left two of his team in hospital for a week.

So while going over some mission reports one night, Lorne had come up with the idea to start a competition. Whoever found a friendly planet first, which stayed friendly for at least three visits, won.

He knew it was a bad idea the moment the words were out of his mouth. The way Sheppard's face had lit up, that mischievous glint in his eyes. Lorne knew them all too well. Sheppard had readily agreed, while saying that the loser would have to suffer some form of punishment. It had to be embarrassing and it had to be public.

"I've got it!" Sheppard exclaimed.

Lorne looked up in surprise, his eyebrow raised slightly in question.

"The person who loses, aka you, has to go on every single trip with Zelenka to the planet with all the kids on it AND" he added as he thought of something else. "They have to teach all of the scientists self defence. Including McKay."

Lorne had sat there frozen; his mind running over every way this could end up. It wouldn't be pretty that was for sure. As long as he didn't lose he would be fine. Looking up at Sheppard he returned the grin and shook his out stretched hand.

"You're on."

_Famous last words__,_ he thought bitterly as he reached Sheppard, who was literally bouncing on the balls of his feet with happiness. Lorne gave a tight smile back as he stood in front of him, arm resting on his P-90 attached to his vest.

"I see you're back, sir."

Sheppard's grin only got bigger.

"Yes we are Major. Everything went splendid. No shooting, no Wraith, no McKay touching stuff he shouldn't. I didn't even need to tell Ronon to change his gun to stun. He already had."

"And Teyla?"

"Oh Teyla was her usual self. You know, kind, helpful, a way with words. And before you ask I was good too."

He took a casual glance at his watch before continuing.

"So you're off to PK-4529, am I right?"

Lorne gave a quick nod, knowing and dreading what was about to come.

"Ok so you're expected back in at 1800 hours, so I think I'll schedule that first self defence class for, I don't know… Thursday? Gives you a bit of time to settle back in and plan a fun and exciting lesson for the scientists."

"I look forward to it sir, just about as much as I'm looking forward to the visits with Zelenka."

Inside he was groaning in annoyance, outside he was typical Lorne. Cool, calm and collected. Well that's what everyone kept telling him anyway.

"Mmmm I bet. Well, Major I have to go debrief then I'll be heading back out there in a few hours, but don't worry McKay and I will be back in time for your class. Have fun."

With that he gave Lorne a pat on the shoulder and practically skipped out the door.

"Thank you sir, I will." Lorne gritted out.

As he approached his ready and waiting team they saw he looked quite stressed. They glanced at each other before one of them stepped forward.

"Sir? Are you o.k.?"

"I'm great lieutenant, just great."

When the wormhole connected, minutes later, Lorne stepped through almost immediately. The rest of his team gave each other another quick, worried glance before following Lorne through.

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When he woke up, almost thirteen hours later he was groggy as hell and in a lot of pain. He could hear people talking softly off to the side. Slowly he opened his eyes and after blinking at the light that caused his head to pound even more, Lorne was able to push himself up, wincing at the pain coming from his stomach and have a look around. It was the infirmary. The memory of what happened on the planet finally caught up with him. They had been walking towards the village when they had been attacked. He remembered pushing Taylor out of the way then a pain in his stomach as he fell, hitting his head on... Something. That was the last thing he remembered.

He needed answers, now. With a small grunt of pain, Lorne managed to push the covers aside and leaning heavily on his IV stand get up. His legs almost gave out on him instantly.

"Shit." He muttered. Unfortunately, it was just loud enough for the person on the other side of the curtain to hear him. The curtain was ripped back immediately and one Evan Lorne found himself face to face with a very angry looking Carson Beckett.

"Major, what the bliming heck are you doing out of bed?!"

A sheepish Lorne tried to give him a winning smile but it was ruined by the black eye he had.

"I was actually on my way to find you Doc. I was wondering what happened to my team. Are they alright?"

Carson called a nurse over who helped him, rather forcefully, get Lorne back into bed.

"They're all fine, lad. You're the one I have to worry about. First Sheppard and now you. I swear if either one of you try to get out of these beds before I say you can, you'll be off gate roster for an extra month!"

Lorne was relieved to hear about his team, but shocked when Carson said Sheppard was here. He looked past Carson to the bed next to him and sure enough there was the Colonel, sporting a rather large bandage around his arm.

"What happened to the nice friendly village, sir?" he asked with a slight grin on his face.

"McKay happened" He replied darkly.

"So Colonel…. This mean the competition is still on?"

"Don't start Major or it'll be another month on top of the Doc's."

Lorne lay back with a smile. Suddenly this day didn't seem so bad.

"Wouldn't dream of it, sir"


End file.
